Where have I been? Where are all the blog posts I promised you (and myself)?
We had an agreement. I would post wonderfully composed, incredibly engaging blog posts and you would shake your head and laugh and pick up the phone and call your publisher and together we would sit around a big oak table, eating olives and signing a 5 year book deal.
It was all mapped out. I even had my 'Best Wishes' signature perfected for my book signings.
An unnamed telco company - (I'm too classy to name names, but it rhymes with 'Melstra') decided that it was all too hard to provide, you know, an actual service that we were paying for - and my internet simply ceased to exist.
Yes, I have had no internet.
Let's just repeat that for a moment to give it the gravity it deserves.
I still have no RELIABLE internet, but I have coaxed and coerced and pleaded and pouted and it has resulted in this moment in time where I am able to connect with you. But it won't last. Oh no, it is but a tantalising taster of how the rest of the modern world goes about their lives. Smug. Entitled. Without a care in the world.
I used to walk amongst you. I remember what it was like. 'Drop me an email?' - Sure no problem! Do a spot of research? - I'm on it! Apply for that mentorship? Done. Add a picture to a blog post so that it looks remotely engaging? Yes please!
I wouldn't snigger if I were you. Indeed, you might one day find yourself like me. At the mercy of the telco companies. Who tell you they will fix your problem. Hold please. Yes, we are working on it. Hold please. I will transfer you now. Hold please. We'll send someone out just as soon as we can...
LIFE on hold, please...